i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
