Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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