...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
