i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?