Texts From Last Night

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  (417): View more from Missouri

  No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.

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  (417): No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times. http://tfl.nu/xlrm
  Replies (6) Good night (1383) Bad night (495)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits

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  (352): all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits http://tfl.nu/ppej
  Replies (37) Good night (5881) Bad night (787)
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  (716): View more from New York

  You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...

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  (716): You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am... http://tfl.nu/rcas
  Replies (16) Good night (1277) Bad night (5347)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  One less school supply you need to buy!!

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  (443): Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!! (860): One less school supply you need to buy!! http://tfl.nu/u0z5
  Replies (25) Good night (5350) Bad night (1254)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?

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  (734): Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life? http://tfl.nu/8b6j
  Replies (20) Good night (4395) Bad night (1143)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.

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  (847): Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too. http://tfl.nu/lfcy
  Replies (6) Good night (3694) Bad night (924)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.

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  (513): We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game. http://tfl.nu/pari
  Replies (22) Good night (2534) Bad night (899)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.

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  (541): I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore. http://tfl.nu/k0jx
  Replies (5) Good night (1814) Bad night (564)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...

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  (989): I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase... http://tfl.nu/38c4
  Replies (2) Good night (464) Bad night (390)
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  (619): View more from California

  I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.

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  (619): I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays. http://tfl.nu/ooc2
  Replies (1) Good night (716) Bad night (289)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick

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  (951): Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick http://tfl.nu/e46p
  Replies (6) Good night (321) Bad night (986)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.

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  (970): There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner. http://tfl.nu/d05g
  Replies (2) Good night (483) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember

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  (201): I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember http://tfl.nu/x7zh
  Replies (0) Good night (391) Bad night (474)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical

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  (860): He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical http://tfl.nu/bb5y
  Replies (2) Good night (674) Bad night (187)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...

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  (832): If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day... http://tfl.nu/wshn
  Replies (1) Good night (171) Bad night (284)

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