Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
