Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum

  (212): View more from New York

  i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls

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  (212): her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum (212): i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls http://tfl.nu/3qj9
  Replies (8) Good night (997) Bad night (1501)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.

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  (775): I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again. http://tfl.nu/wdl0
  Replies (10) Good night (1850) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.

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  (570): 11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college. http://tfl.nu/tbx5
  Replies (9) Good night (3184) Bad night (1096)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.

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  (989): It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat. http://tfl.nu/ln17
  Replies (28) Good night (6038) Bad night (1414)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.

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  (215): its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass. http://tfl.nu/z2s4
  Replies (17) Good night (801) Bad night (5819)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.

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  (724): i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that. http://tfl.nu/tj9k
  Replies (6) Good night (5639) Bad night (869)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"

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  (228): thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God" http://tfl.nu/z3qu
  Replies (3) Good night (5655) Bad night (1211)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!

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  (210): im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!! http://tfl.nu/zroi
  Replies (36) Good night (1332) Bad night (2113)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.

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  (512): I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas. http://tfl.nu/ufwf
  Replies (28) Good night (4084) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.

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  (512): I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air. http://tfl.nu/cigy
  Replies (8) Good night (1987) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.

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  (507): Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale. http://tfl.nu/i85n
  Replies (3) Good night (1020) Bad night (405)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...

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  (501): After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well... http://tfl.nu/7bm0
  Replies (3) Good night (880) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.

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  (805): Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB. http://tfl.nu/41ax
  Replies (5) Good night (660) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!

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  (727): Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW! http://tfl.nu/6dh9
  Replies (5) Good night (994) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal

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  (617): This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal http://tfl.nu/045y
  Replies (1) Good night (800) Bad night (294)

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