peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday