Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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