I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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