I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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