So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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