im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
