Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
