I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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