oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
