i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
