i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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