cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
