I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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