Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
