I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
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I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
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I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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