I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
