I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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