You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The power of my boobs compel you
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
