he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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