You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
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I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?