We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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