does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
