shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
