This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
