Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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