who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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