i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
whose parrot is this?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
