Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
