Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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