I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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