i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
