You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
