we made out on top of his cat.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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