Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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