it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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