so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
