awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
