I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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