I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
