yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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