I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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