Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
