I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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