your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
