so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
