We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
