As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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