it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
