i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
