Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
