After last night, I could never be a politician.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
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I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
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Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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