Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
