I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
