haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
