Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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