her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
