Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
