sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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