we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
