I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
