I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am naked and annoyed.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
