you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
