You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
