Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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