She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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