oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
