You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
