I got chris browned last night
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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