THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
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I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
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Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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