It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
