i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
