He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
