Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
