possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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