You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The best revenge is premature balding
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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