You're my little dorito
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
