He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i drank out of a bidet.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
