I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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