Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
