she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
