Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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